The J Archives
Don't You Think You've Had Enough?
This is the first ever The J Files. Really, there is nothing much I can say about it. It's the first comic! There! That's plenty.
The Clinton Presidency
This comic was actually made before I had created The J Files. I just drew without it having to be part of something. Later, as I was cleaning my messy-ass room, I found it again and decided to make it a J Files. I know, my drawing of Bill Clinton looks kind of "whack", but I'm not a realistic artist. I draw things as unrealisticly as humanly possible. Deal with it.
The Elian Gonzales Cuteness Scandel
This one about Elian Gonzales is kind of dated, but hey. Who cares. I created this comic a long time ago back when the Elian Gonzales scandel was huge. This comic represents exactly what I have been thinking about this scandel ever since it came about. It's true! I mean, don't immigrants from Cuba come by to the U.S. all the time? There should be a scandel every other day! But no. Elian was cute, so he was fought over. The law even says that he should've gone home right away. But because he was so damn "cute", we just had to keep him here as long as possible. Until it had to turn violent. Isn't that always the way though? Everything has to turn to violence. Ugh. What a world we live in. Makes me wanna shoot somebody.
What The Hell Is Going On With Classic TV Sitcom Actors?
Why? Why are there so many"behind the scenes of your favorite TV shows you've never heard of" shows on Fox? Well, other than the fact that Fox always plays shit, but nobody watches that shit! Who cares if Gary Coleman beat up some woman? All I care about is he's funny cause he's small! Hee hee! Like Mini-Me! "I will call him... Mini-Me!" HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Sick and Wrong
This actually happened. Whenever I see that Chicken Run Whopper commercial, I am sickened! Doesn't it just seem sick and wrong to you too? It does to me! And even eating more beef won't save the chickens! It'll just kill more cows! Poor cows. People favor clay chickens over live cows? Now that's sick and wrong.
This is one of my favorite comics. I'm not really sure why. It just is. Turns out I had more ideas then I thought!
What Would Jesus Do? Part I
I got the idea for this comic while conversing with my good freind and fellow artist Anand Balasubramanyan of Anand To The Extreme. He told me of his incredible disgust with the "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets, and I decided to do a comic about it. Whoopee. There's a special guest star in this comic! Can you guess who it is?
What Would Jesus Do? Part II
I just had to do a part 2 to this. I had more ideas. Apologies to anyone who is offended.
Nestle White Crunch
This weeks J Files was written by my good freind Anand Balasubramanyan and illustrated by me. Just in case you can't tell, by White Crunch I mean the new Nestle White Chocolate Crunch bar. It was just a matter of time before the KKK got to the candy business too. Once again, apologies to anyone who's offended. I know you're out there! Don't be ashamed! I had morals once!
Really, what's the point of free speech if it's considered offensive? People shouldn't be offended by others opinions! What are we, communists? Yeah, I see you in the back! Don't pretend like it's not true!
Guest Art from Karva
This comic is a guest art from Karva of Karva Komix. What would he do in that situation?
They All Look The Same To Me
Actually, I did try to be as prejudice as posiible in this comic. You can tell by the end I got tired of drawing all those stick figures. How does Boxjam do it? I had trouble remembering exactly how many there were... May I remind you that my education only goes so far. Typing this right now is probably the pinnacle of my accomplishments in all my life.
Yes, I know that making jokes about Monica Lewiskinsy is sinking pretty low, but what did you expect? You're lucky to even have a comic this week! Quit your complainin'!
This comic began as a stupid little doodle and grew from there. I noticed when watching commercials for Nicorette that they have "NEW MINT FLAVOR!!!" Isn't the point to quit? Who cares about the flavor? Pretty soon they'll be coming in packs of baseball cards! And why is it that the end of those commercials always end the same way? Laughing, celebrating, quitting. It's that easy. All you have to do to quit drugs is to learn about how.
Police Chase Bloopers
I love this comic. If you've ever watched Fox, you'll notice that all the cop shows are exactly the same in every way. And they're always "World's" something. If they were the best clips in the world, wouldn't you think you'd be able to distinguish between them somehow?
Negative Ad Campaigns Take A Turn For The Worse
I also love this comic. What a terrible choice to make. Gore and Bush. No wonder so many people choose not to vote. It's very pitiful that all these negative ads swarm the air waves during this time of year! It's interuppting my Matlock and Smurfs time! I see less and less Keebler Elf commercials every year and it's all politicians fault! And why do they have to be negative ads? Can't we all just get along? Ugh...
Behind The Scenes At The Jerry Springer Show
There's only one thing I have to say about this comic. Have you noticed that all the people on The Jerry Springer Show are named Jarrid? I like the dude's shirt. "I Went To Hell And All I Got Was This T-Shirt And A Flogging". Heh heh heh. Classic.
Dissecting The Modern Cartoon
This week we begin Dissecting The Modern Cartoon, a 20 chapter mini-series of The J Files all about cartooning in the modern world. I tried to take a Life In Hell approach to this series. Sorry about the large comics. They might be a long time to load, but it's worth it, right? Right? Sure it is. The comics are probably only going to get bigger. My suggestion is to get a better computer. Your crappy-ass shit won't make it in the modern technological age.
The Top Ten J Files
Yes! Here it is! The Top Ten episodes of The J Files, according to me, Jack Spencer! Yay! I did more than one comic a day to squeeze in ten comics in one week, so you people get more than you deserve! What would you do without me?
I have nothing to say about this comic. I think it speaks for itself. Ta-ta.
Ok. SO my handwriting is illegible. Who cares? You don't need to read the comic to find it funny! Look at the funny pictures! Ha ha! HA HA!!!!! Anyways, I was just trying to show you how much lower a quality of a comic The J Files is if I were to do it solely on the computer. Don't worry. This will never happen again. Promise.
Children of the Patch
IT BURNS!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!! Sour Patch Kids hurt like hell! But they're so god damn good! I can't stop eating them! It's torturing me! WHY???????? Yeah. That's all I got. Pooooooop.
I am very, very proud of this comic. The intensity of the drill sargant (sic. yeah i know. shut up) made me love this comic. It's just fun to look at. Enjoy the funny pictures. It's about time someone spoke out against the evils of Fox's reality shows. Who else is gonna do it but me? Nobody. No one will ever make fun of Fox but me. No one. Ever. I am the king.
Ok, this one definantly needs to be explained. You see, I heard this thing on the radio about this college student who invented a toaster that can tell you the weather for a assignment. Apparently, about 20 seconds before the toast is done toasting, the toaster imprints what the weather is on the toast! Cool, huh? But you know, we always take our lives into our hands when we mess with toast. Eventually we will create toast that is stronger and smarter than we could ever imagine, and pretty soon the toast will become so intelligent, it may turn on humans. We can't let toast get too powerful! Stop the madness!!!!!!
No Child Left Behind
This is a little satirical comic by my good freind Hershey. Heh heh. Water.
Welcome To Utah
In Utah, a dude named Tom Green (not the udder-sucking MTV guy, a different Tom Green) was put on trial for poligamy, or in laymans terms, having too many wives. True story. I decided to do a comic about it. I don't know why. (burp).
I tell ya, there is nothing funnier than a boy who's whole life is wasted due to a problem with his immune system that eventually will kill him, huh? Isn't that just hilarious? Let's make a movie about it! And we need some sort of excuse to get him outside the house and into real-world situations so that we may laugh at him all the more... Ah-ha! Rather than coming up with something new and original (why the hell would we wanna do that?), let's say he's "stopping the marriage of his one true love"! And that may attract some female audience too! Not fucking likely, but its worth a shot! And, you know, it just isn't quite complete without pointless violence. Sure, a boy with the incapability of living outside of a bubble is funny enough to laugh at, but we need to see him being beaten by all varieties of baseball bats and school buses! I tell ya, the parents of the real Bubble Boy must be so proud that their son, who died as we all laughed, went on to be the topic of such high-calibur movies such as this! We salute you, and hope that you may continue to pump out more freako's so that we may make more movies about them!
It's Rebate Time!
If there's one thing our great nation needs to try to do is to get back to normal. So I got this comic back to normal not only by updating (although thats not really normal for me, is it) but with a bizarre comic about Mark Wahlberg as a caveman. Does it seem like I pick on Mark Wahlberg too much? Oh well. He desrves it. If anyone knew him from back when he was Marky Mark you'd know just how much he deserves it.
Gantor the Creator
I couldn't think of an idea for this comic. This is actually pretty much self-explanatory, so you figure it out.
As Always No One Cares
Fred Durst? Stop talking please? Mmmkay? Mmmkay.
I've been bottling up all of my controversial wise-cracks since September 11th, so as not to offend any of my readers (I have an audience made up of 8 year old kids and Catholics). But what the hell! Screw it! Who cares! If you don't wanna be offended, don't read my comic! Go watch Full House or something! Oh, but don't get me wrong. I love America. I hate terrorism. I hate hate. My often painfully sarcastic tone that I use in my comic can skew your views of what I actually mean. George W. Bush is an idiot. The concept of America is good - the whole by the people, for the people thing - but extremist politicians ruin the whole damn thing. Terrorism is never good. Racial profiling is never good. If someone looks like they might be Middle Eastern, they must be a terrorist? What the hell is that? And when cops pull over black people in nice cars, since no black person could ever make their own money, so they must've stolen it? That is so very, very wrong! Was every white person in America questioned by the police when Timothy McVeigh bombed Oklahoma City? No, if a white person does something wrong, they must be a lone nut. But if any other race does something wrong, they ALL did it! God! I'm sorry, I just needed to get some things off my chest. I hate Republicans too.